The two thieves crucified either side of Jesus...
...are now in heaven.
They are sitting at a table outside 'The New Jerusalem Arms', enjoying a drink and the panoramic view over the Celestial City.
Reuben: So, the New Jerusalem, eh? What an f-ing beautiful place! ‘F’ for flipping fantastic, of course.
Simeon: Isn’t our language smooth these days! And yes — sparkling crystals and jewels everywhere.
Reuben: I’d have grabbed them and ran, in our past life. Mind you, I wouldn’t know what half these precious stones even are.
Simeon: We should ask old St John to give us a tour. He seemed quite the jewel expert in his Revelation epic — cornelian, chrysolite, jacinth: I mean, what are they?
Reuben: All John’s stuff’s just Greek to me.
Simeon: Old Jerusalem — that seems another world now. It was quite some view of the city we had from our crosses, wasn’t it?
Reuben: There you were, greasing up to Jesus, going down in history as the goodie-goodie. And now you’re claiming you were admiring the view!
Simeon: That’s what I tell folk around here, anyway — got to keep up appearances. I might have been a thief, but at least I’m the respectable one.
Reuben: Status counts for nothing here, you know that!
Simeon: I know, I know. Look at James and John!
Reuben: Yeah, what a laugh, eh? They go pitching in to be at the left and right hands of Jesus. And look who it was?
Simeon: Us! Yeah, who would believed it. Top moment in human history, and look who’s in the photo frame with Jesus — Youtube hits and the rest? You and me, mate!
Reuben: Proved a good bet, that crime, as it turned out! Only joking! You said we got what we deserved. Well, it turns out we’ve all got a whole lot more than we deserved...!
Simeon: Weird place, the Kingdom of God, eh?
Reuben: Anyway, do you know what the first thing Jesus said to me was when I arrived?
Simeon: What was that, then?
Reuben: ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘You’re thanking me?’ I say. ‘Yes,’ he says. ‘What for?’ I say, ‘foul-mouthing you?’ ‘Keeping me company,’ he says. My jaw fell out the sky.
Simeon: He said just the same to me. ‘Couldn’t have done it on my own,’ he says! I was flabbergasted.
Reuben: Me too. I was totally stumped what to say. So you know what I go and do? This tune comes to me, and I start humming, ‘always look on the bright side of life, eh, Jesus?’ And he just cracks up: ‘something like that,’ he says.
Simeon: And let me guess, he then goes all serious.
Reuben: Yeah, how do you know? He says, ‘I mean it.’ And I look puzzled but have a stab: ‘because you were human?’ I say. And he says, ‘Yes.’ Then he looks like he’s going to add something but then hesitates and seems to change his mind, and goes on. ‘You accompanied me to the edge. That was a lonely place,’ he says. ‘What you did for the least of these, you did for me,’ he says. ‘What are you talking about, Jesus?’ I say. And he says, ‘you were with me in my pain and in my need. You were ministering to me.’
Simeon: Blimey, mate. Turns things upside down alright, doesn’t he? We were ministering to him?
Reuben: Well, I was, he said! Yeah, both of us, of course.
Simeon: You know, what he said about appreciating it being because he was human, and then he might have said something else? I think I know what it was.
Reuben: Just because you spotted he was the Son of God, you now think you know his thoughts, eh?
Simeon: That’s just it, you see. To your question about whether he appreciated the company because he was human, I think he was going to say, ‘Yes. And No.’ And then he would add, ‘It’s also because I’m God.’
Reuben: You’re getting ahead of me there, mate!
Simeon: You see, I didn’t do much better with what I came out with, when Jesus thanked me. I blurted out, ‘Two’s company — but wasn’t three a bit of a crowd?’ — knowing you hadn’t shown him huge respect. I’m sorry, mate!
Reuben: Well, thanks a bundle. That’s our friendship gone! So what did he say?
Simeon: He said, ‘three was just perfect!’ And I thought, ‘doh, oh yes, it would be, wouldn’t it?’
Reuben: I’m still not following you.
Simeon: Look around you — it’s because there’s three of them here, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And there always was.
Reuben: Oh, I get it. No I don’t actually, this three-in-one thing, but I can see it, so that’ll do.
Simeon: Jesus hardly needed to say it then, but he still added, ‘having two for company, it made me feel at home’.
Reuben: What, like we were the Trinity?! Well, that’s a thing! So the Romans thought they were doing a three-for-the-price-of-one offer on punishment / entertainment / call it what you will, and they were really helping Jesus out…
Simeon: …and setting up a model of the Trinity. Profound, eh?
Reuben: So… that’s got me thinking. Which of us was which, then?
Simeon: The Father and the Spirit, you mean?
Reuben: Yeah. You’re the one who pretends to have some sense of responsibility. So you’ve got to be the Dad.
Simeon: And you’re the wild, unpredictable one — the Spirit, obviously!
Reuben: Looks like we’ve got it sussed. So, how do we make the most of this? — our celebrity status as Right- and Left-Hand companions for Jesus on the Cross — and now Father- and Spirit-substitutes too?
Simeon: Not quite the point, I think!
Reuben: But something to wind James and John up with.
Simeon: Alright — let’s have some fun. Come on….
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Alphaeus adds:The four Gospel writers each relate the men crucified with Jesus differently: see Luke 23 vv32,39-43 for the most well known account, but also by contrast Matthew 27 vv38,44 and Mark 15 vv25-32, and particularly that of John John 19 v18 who refrains from comment on the men's actions.
See Revelation 21 for John's vision of the celestial city.
Sketch written for a Biblical relection for South West Ministry Training Course, Mar 2017.
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