"Get your Wonder Water here! Resurrection guaranteed!"

a sketch for Easter










 

Jerusalem, a few days after the Resurrection. 

Marcus is a stall-holder, selling bottled water... 

Marcus: Wonder Water! Wonder Water! Get your Wonder Water here. Resurrection guaranteed!

Alphaeus: Morning!… What’s this Wonder Water you’ve got, then? 

Marcus: [ignoring him] ...As drunk by Jesus of Nazareth! You’ve heard the news, now be part of it! Resurrection guaranteed. Penny a bottle! five bottles for threp’nce!

Alphaeus: Excuse me, excuse me!… [finally gets attention] So where did you get this water, mate?

Marcus: Source guaranteed! There’s only one place - the well his mates got their water from, you know for the meal, night before he died. 

Alphaeus: That was just ordinary water. 

Marcus: No, no! Wonder Water. How else do you think he came back to life?! 

Alphaeus: But he’s the only one who’s come back to life!
 
Marcus: He’s the only one of them who’s died! 100% results. Don’t believe me? Try it - nothing to lose!

Alphaeus: But, er, why do you think it was the water??

Marcus: ‘Cos he said so, didn’t he? ‘Anyone who drinks the water I give them will live for ever’. You see, I’ve been following him, I know what he said. Wonder Water, that was his pitch - I’m just following in his esteemed footsteps - I’m a disciple, you see!

Alphaeus: But he wasn’t talking about water from a well - he was talking about himself!

Marcus: And you think I’m talking nuts?! You can’t drink a person! Wouldn’t look too good in these bottles, would it - what would you put in? - bits of leg floating around, an eye for visual impact - all topped up with blood?? This might be the Roman Empire, mate, but I don’t see that one getting past Trading Standards!

Alphaeus: Quite true, that wouldn’t sell too well! No, he was talking spiritual stuff.

Marcus: But he’s been walking around, they all say - though I haven’t seen him myself - or are you saying that’s all a load of cobblers??

Alphaeus: Well, it is weird. He’s had meals - he’s drunk water - though not your bottles, as far as I know! But he’s also somehow different - he’s appeared through walls, and things like that. The same - but different. It’s like this body he has: it’s a demonstration, that resurrection’s for everybody - that we can be the same but different too!

Marcus: You’re not making sense, mate… Don’t have to believe me about Wonder Water if you don’t want to - that’s your choice! But it’s still the best mineral water around - here, look at the bottle, look at those minerals - it’s been underground, you see! Great value for a penny a bottle - and you look like a family man: I’ll do you my Family Special - a crate for a shekel - can’t say fairer than that!

Alphaeus: Ah, you’ve got me thinking now - about things going underground. You see, Jesus’ body still had the marks of the nails from being on the Cross, and the other scars. Why do you think that was?

Marcus: Is this some sort of riddle, mate? Let me guess… he’d popped into the make-up department of ‘Jerusalem J’ramatics’.

Alphaeus: No, no - the scars were real. (Thomas did have a macabre idea - but I won’t go into that.) It’s like your mineral water: once it’s gone through the rock it’s never the same again. It’s still water, but even better - it’s the minerals from its experience under the ground that gives it its unique invigorating quality.

Marcus: That’s what I’m trying to tell you! Actually, that’s good patter for my pitch - thanks!

Alphaeus: Yeah, but what Jesus brings is in a different league - even from your water, dare I say so! You see, he’s gone through death, the most awful death, and that experience is now part of his new body - the nail marks are still there.

Marcus: If I’d gone through that, I wouldn’t want to be carrying around some gory memento of it, reminded of the pain every day - ditch the past, the glory days are here!

Alphaeus: But we can’t erase the past, can we? We can bury it, deny it, but we can’t erase it. That's what Jesus knew. But he showed we could redeem it, redeem the past - well he could, for us. Our past becomes part of something new and beautiful, even better than it was before - we become God’s new creation, if you like.

Marcus: Well, you got me stumped there, mate. Quite a bit for old Marcus to chew over, I must say. Most guys coming by don’t even give me the time of day, so I appreciate that… But you know the most nutty thing about your story - you’ve given it to me for free! What’s the point of that?! You gotta make a buck where you can, a little here, a little there… So, a crate for you, mate! - it’s gonna be a hot day - I can see your family lighting up when you walk in with this under your arm!

Alphaeus: Alright, it’s a deal!

Marcus: And remember, any elderly relatives in the family - of course give them priority. Let me know how they get on - I have every confidence!

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Alphaeus adds (for 21st century readers):
For the authorised version of the story, see John chapter 20